Tracey Cox: 17 ways long-term partners can rediscover their lost lust

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Are you rather nervously watching Wanderlust with your partner?

This new BBC drama is about a long-term couple who’ve lost desire for each other and try sleeping with other people as a way to reignite their libido.

While few couples embrace the idea of polyamory and open relationships, most couples who’ve been together a while absolutely acknowledge the sexual monotony in monogamy.

Sex in the beginning is hot, frantic and fuelled by lust rather than ruined by domesticity.

Who wouldn’t want it back again?

The trick to recapturing that fresh excitement is to create sex scenarios that push you both firmly out of your comfort zones and back into treating each other like good old-fashioned sex objects.

Just like you used to at the start, remember?

Here you’ll find a list of simple, easy-to-do, relatively ‘prop’ free sex treats you can do for each other or together to shift your sex life up a gear.

Or two. Or ten.

They start out mild and climb higher on the ‘kinky’ scale as they go but, panic not, there’s nothing too out there.

Certainly, there might be stuff you haven’t done (I hope so, anyway!) which will raise your anxiety level. But that’s a good thing – a bit of nervous excitement isn’t going to harm either of you.

(Obviously) don’t try anything you really are morally opposed to but do push yourselves a little. I’m not talking other bodies in the bed, Wanderlust style, so be adventurous! Playful. Daring.

Here goes…

Seventy percent of couples have sex with their eyes closed and only fifteen per cent open them during orgasm, according to US sex therapist David Schnarch.

‘Most of us tune out our partner at a time that’s supposed to be the most intimate,’ he says.

Make eye contact all the way through. You’ll laugh, you might even cry (some people do!) but you sure as hell will feel more connected.

, fetch two glasses of something bubbly then jump right in there.

– always. But especially if you’re going through a low or no sex period. Skin to skin snuggling at least satisfies the cuddle craving.

. Discreetly suck his finger like it’s another body part. Pull her palm to your mouth and bury your tongue.

Then say ‘Hold on a minute’, quickly remove your clothes and step in to pleasure him using a soapy, thick washcloth.

Both the texture of the cloth and the spontaneity of the gesture means the whole thing will be over in a flash – but deeply appreciated!

Change one of the following elements for each session you have: the time of day you do it, what room you do it in, what you’re wearing, what position you choose, who initiates, what the focus of the session is (hand-job, oral, intercourse etc).

They don’t have to do anything but lie back and take, take, take.

Not only will this make you look wonderfully generous sexually, only the most selfish of partners won’t feel obligated to return the favour at a later date.

 like chocolate body paint poured on and licked off or dressing up as a French Maid and serving him breakfast in bed.

The reason why these moves are clichés is because they appeal to a lot of people. 

Another golden oldie that works.

Each privately write down 10 things you’d like to try. Rip the paper into separate points, fold and put all of them into a jar and pick out one a week to try.

It’s not just for teens.

‘I’ve been thinking about what we did all day’; ‘If you want me right now, I’m in the upstairs bedroom’.

It’s a laugh….and sexier than you think!

Coloured non-stick bondage tape can be fashioned into quite a cool boob tube and matching mini.

Or grab the cling-wrap from the kitchen and wind around and around to encase your breasts.

He can lick through it and unwrap you, layer by layer.

Transform a predictable oral sex session for her from dreary to dynamite with one slick move.

Also called ‘Tahitian cunninlingus’, you simply position your head so it’s at right angles to her body.

You’re licking up and down but because your head is perpendicular to her body, your tongue travels from side to side, producing an entirely new sensation.

Lead him into a dark room, take off his shirt, then tie his hands behind his back (with his tie or your tights) before stripping him stark naked.

You remain clothed.

Stand behind him and tell him you’ve been watching him from across the road with binoculars. You’ve dreamed of the day you could actually touch him and – what luck! – now he’s virtually your sex slave.

Do what you would do, if this was true.

Come on, you’ve read this advice a hundred times before but avoided doing it out of embarrassment/ prudishness/ whatever.

Thing is, you will learn so much about each other by masturbating in front of each other, I insist you at least give it a try. (If you’re really shy, close your eyes so you can’t see your partner watching.) 

Even if you don’t actually masturbate with your fingers anymore (why would you when a vibrator does the job so well for you?), pretending to do it is enough.

Men are generally less shy about showing off but don’t launch into it so quickly, she doesn’t get to see what technique, grip and hold you use.

This isn’t just a turn-on exercise, it’s a show-and-tell one.

It’s a fantasy game. Ask your partner, ‘What’s the thing you’d most like to do in bed that would surprise me. Then I’ll tell you’.

If they’re shy, you start.

Make it silly or funny to begin with and if they claim there’s nothing they’d like to do that they haven’t already done, tell them to make something up.

Believe me, people always have something up their sleeve: letting them pretend it’s ‘made up’ let’s them put something out there and see your reaction without risking anything.

If it’s ‘I’d rather scoop my eyes out with a teaspoon’ all they have to do is say, ‘Well, you said to make anything up!’

Sneaky or what!

The more you share, the more they’ll share.

Visit the all-new traceycox.com for more information about love and sex and to see Tracey’s product ranges.  

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