PARIS Jackson has admitted she tried to kill herself “many times” and would “cut and burn” herself.
The 22-year-old model reflected on her past suicide attempts and said self-harm felt like a “distraction” from her “emotional pain”, in a harrowing episode of her Facebook Watch series.
Paris discussed her battle with her mental health in the second episode of Unfiltered: Paris Jackson and Gabriel Glenn.
The daughter of Michael Jackson explained that her suicidal feelings stemmed from her body-image issues.
She was raised on a strict diet but was allowed to have “soda and cake” when her grandmother Katherine started looking after her following Michael’s death in 2009.
She said: “I gained a lot of weight and it [eating]became an addiction… and then a cousin called me fat so I was like, ‘OK, I can’t do that anymore’. And that’s how I fell into self-harm.”
The singer went on: “I would cut and burn myself.
“I never thought that I would die from it because I was always in control of the razor and I knew how deep I was going.
“It was a distraction from emotional pain and transferring to physical pain and the need for control.”
Paris added: “Yes, I tried to kill myself many times.”
After her attempt in 2013, Paris was sent to a boarding school in Utah, where she spent her sophomore year of high school and half of her junior year.
She recalled: “I couldn’t take it anymore.”
Paris claimed she had “no choice” but to go to the school, alleging that Child Protection Services claimed they would “take” her if she didn’t attend.
“I didn’t have a choice, I was underage,” she said. “CPS said they would take me if I wasn’t sent there.”
“I learned a lot about myself [in boarding school]. The problems that I went there with got fixed, but I left with way more problems than I came there with.”
Paris was reported to have attempted suicide in March 2019 in Los Angeles, however she denied it.
“My depression comes in waves. I’m not on medication. I used to be on anti-depressants and mood stabilizers, but it kind of clouded my third eye and I couldn’t laugh as deeply,” she revealed.
“So even though the lows are unbearably low, I would still rather that than nothing. Pain is way better than just [being]numb because at least you’re feeling something.”
Her musician boyfriend Gabriel – who she fronts the band, The Soundflowers, with – opened up about his own suicide attempt.
Gabriel – who began dating Paris last year – said: “I had a lot of body shame over scars through accidents or self-harm.
“I attempted suicide and thankfully attempted and didn’t succeed. For me, that was a real turning point. I still get depressed but I don’t think I could do that to myself or the people I love.”
Paris also talked about being sexualized as a teenager by the fashion industry.
She said, “I’ve been on shoots with some stylists that are mean and make me feel fat,” and recalled being made to dress like a “hooker from the Eighties”.
“I was like 18 and [the photographer]was trying to put me in a bra and panties and fishnets and high heels. I was uncomfortable showing my body like that.
“When I first got into the fashion world I didn’t understand that I couldn’t be myself all the time. I still struggle to accept myself.”
Elsewhere in the episode, Paris reflected on feeling like the “black sheep” of her family due to her “Aryan” look.
“I was the only girl of four boys for the first 10 or 11 years of my life. My dad loved playing dress up – I was always wearing dresses and I looked like a porcelain doll. I’ve always felt like the black sheep.”
She expressed how grateful she was to her brothers because “they never made me feel alienated”.
If you are in the UK and having suicidal thoughts, suffering from anxiety or depression or just want to talk, call The Samaritans on 116 123.